Tuesday, August 25, 2009
We're all mad here.
I can't remember the last time, or if ever, I've had an anxiety attack, an official anxiety attack. What a disconcerting experience. To lose complete control, of your body and your mind. To not be able to see your way out. To feel like it is never going to end. To cry uncontrollably. To be unable to sit still or think about anything besides what is going on. And why.
It's the 'why' that gets me. I left work last Friday and - come on, it was FRIDAY. Is there anyone leaving work, leaving the city, on a Friday around 5ish who isn't in a great mood? On the train I get, and I'm riding riding riding...approaching my station and I start to shake. The shaking started on the inside and worked its way out. By the time I got to my car, I had to sit on my hands to stop them from spastically flying around. I couldn't even change the radio stations.
Logically, I couldn't find any explanation. At first, I didn't even know what was going on. After talking to Jackie, she confirmed it - anxiety. "It feels like my entire body is having restless leg syndrome." Yeah - anxiety.
But why? WhyWhyWhy. I will keep going back to why. I have all of your normal, late 20something worries. There is nothing standout that is going wrong or sour or downhill.
It's, quite literally, driving me crazy. The anxiety is feeding off of itself and festering in my head. It is causing me to make mountains out of teeny, tiny molehills. Then, the sequence repeats itself in an unending, emotional crash-and-burn that usually ends in some sort of fast food. Last night, it was Wendy's.
Instinctually, I want to fix things within myself. I want to get to the root of the issue, make it better and move on. It is proving difficult, thus far. Maybe I am not supposed to. Perhaps this is a lesson to me that everything has a cut-and-dry answer.
I cannot figure out Wonderland. I've decided to stop trying and keep falling.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
So Purdy...
I can’t wait for the weekend
Like I can’t wait for you
I can’t wait for the weekend
‘Cuz I can’t wait for you
Goin’ down
No, I won’t be long
Goin’ down
In a minute I’ll be strong
For you, yeah
Well I’ve been thinking all day
Thinking things should change
Honey, I don’t want you different
But you know I can’t stay the same
Goin’ down
No, I won’t be long
Goin’ down In a minute I’ll be strong
For you, yeahStrong
For you, yeah
Well I can’t stop these feelings
From running around my brain
But I won’t mind tonight
When you’re in my arms again
No, I won’t mind tonight
When you’re in my arms again
Goin’ down
No, I won’t be long
Goin’ down, down, down, down
In a minute I’ll be
Strong, strong, strong, strong, strong
For you, yeah
Strong, strong, strong, strong, strong
For you, yeah
For you, yeah
For you, yeah
Monday, August 10, 2009
“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” ― Maya Angelou
This summer, I've been traveling a lot for work, which is vastly different for obvious reasons. In the last few months, I've been to San Jose, San Francisco, New York and Boston. I was slated for another San Fran trip - but I am not sure that is going to happen now. Planes and trains, day trips to NYC, huge hotel rooms just for me, expenses, long term parking and getting changed out of my suit in bathrooms at the airport...it's all new to me, and so so exciting.
Taking off and landing. Checking in and checking out. Coming and going.
Always coming back to one place - home.
Home is not where I push my key in the door and throw down my stuff. Home is not my apartment. Home is not my Mom's apartment. Home is not where I sleep. I'm fairly certain that I haven't truly felt at home - in the typical sense - since we moved out of Darby a few years back. It used to make me sad, but that is quickly changing.
"You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place."
-Garden State
I am finding home in small spaces and minutes in my day.
I am finding home in a song, or a line of a song, or a note.
I am finding home in the people I love, and am learning to love.
I am finding home in myself.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Life is good.
Luckily, other things have been contributing to my aliveness (yes, it's a word...it's my word) and I am embracing those.
A sample? Sure, why not...
-work. It's busy, stressful, scary, changing - but all exciting and I'm rolling with it.
-my shrinking waistline. I'm down about 16 pounds and loving how I feel.
-trying new recipes and foods.
-sleeping with the windows open.
-reading other people's blogs! Found so many good ones lately!
-Facebook. Obvi.
-Sam's.
-a new friend :)
-getting some sun, but not too much.
-red wine.
-making plans for the summer.
-Shannah's wedding video
-long, long, long e-mails with Just.
-Real Housewives of New Jersey.
-Barenaked Ladies...listening to them a lot in my car. On my iPod, I am obsessed with these three songs and they are on repeat. Don't ask me why..."Another Kind of Green" (Mayer), "Mandolin Wind" (new fave Rod song, beautiful) and "Summer, Highland Falls" (a rare Billy Joel track).
Life is very, very good.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Happy-ness

...getting my Self magazine each month.
...buying a birthday present for Jack and realizing it's his favorite new toy.
...looking up between the buildings in Center City and seeing a cloudless blue morning sky.
...clarity. In any way, shape or form.
...Thursday night TV.
There's more - there's so much more that makes me happy - but I am running around this week and trying to keep my life together...I'll be back soon, though.
Promise.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Red Ross
It was the first car I ever bought myself. A 200something Toyota Corolla - fire engine red. Like many decisions I make, I rushed into buying it. I did a minimal amount of research, got myself down to Center City Toyota and bought it. Driving home on Walnut (or whichever 'nut' street leads out of the city..), I was in love. Trish named her, after a F*R*I*E*N*D*S episode, naturally.
It was 2004 and I had been out of college for just about a year. Working at V-SPAN in King of Prussia and drinking most of my pay on most weekends. And Thursday nights. And sometimes all day Sunday. I know. I too cringe at the thought of the money, time and brain power - all gone as a result. But we live and learn, right?
And learn, I sure did. I lost control, plain and simple. I was trying to make it into work each day at six am, but I (some nights) wasn't home until after three. Things were changing at work, I was offered a new job that sounded oh-so-perfect and (again, hastily) accepted it. I couldn't keep up with myself and, before I knew it, I - quite literally - crashed.
In one terrible decision on a December night, I managed to total my brand new car, self-inflict massive amounts of guilt and shame, and place myself in a category I'd never envisioned I'd be in.
I miss the car and what it represented for me. But would I go back and change things?
Some mistakes are made in indelible ink. Those are undoubtedly the most important.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Everything you didn't want to know, and more...
2.) I wish I had brothers. Or even just one.
3.) Music is many things to me. It is an addiction, sometimes slightly compulsive. It is my sanity and my motivation, especially at work. It is my friend; it makes me cry, think and reflect.
4.) My first best friend and I were due to be born on the same day, St. Patty’s. She was late (Mar 23rd) and I was later (April 4th).
5.) Almost every day, I think of a new hobby I’d like to take up, meal I’d like to cook (and eat), place I’d like to travel or skill I’d like to acquire. I have a very long life to-do list.
6.) I will always prefer the driver seat to the passenger seat.
7.) Movies that most people would consider “good” often bore me. I fell asleep during “The
Passion of Christ”. Meanwhile, I’ll watch “Mrs. Doubtfire” whenever it’s on. Go figure.
8.) My middle name is Denise, after my Dad. My first name was supposed to be April, after the month I was born in. April Gormley? Good call, Mom.
9.) I have really high expectations, of myself and others. I’m working on managing them.
10.) I need noise when I sleep – I sleep with a huge box fan on every night. Sound machines just don’t cut it.
11.) Exercising isn’t something that I would say I love to do. But I try to do it anyway. ‘Try’ being the operative word there.
12.) In 2004, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. It hasn’t been fun, but I’ve learned a lot about myself and my body, and it’s made me stronger.
13.) It took me about three weeks to write this entire list.
14.) I love to waitress. I secretly want to be in the hospitality industry, but I don’t think I would like the hours. I’ve worked at the same restaurant - Sam's - for 12 years and I don’t think I will ever leave.
15.) In my old journals, I have tons and tons of accounts of various trips, nights out, dances, etc. Anything I wanted to remember, I just started writing about it. I secretly think its part of the reason I remember so much, about everything.
16.) I feel very different from the person I was in college, but those four years were some of the best in my life.
17.) In one year, I saw all three of my top favorite artists (at the time) in concert – Rod Stewart, Kenny Chesney, and John Mayer. They are all still very high on my list, but I have tons of others too.
18.) Regrets are not something I have many of, but the ones I do have are deep and they all have to do with my Dad.
19.) I love Center City. I love coming into it every day, on the train and seeing all of the different people – rushing around and experiencing their days. I also love leaving it everyday and retiring to the suburbs.
20.) My Mom named Jenna and I after characters in Dynasty (or was it Dallas?).
21.) Any interest in or affection for any sport is from my Dad. Football and baseball, specifically.
22.) I don’t like to talk about religion or politics at work. There is always a fear of offending people and that’s no fun.
23.) My ultimate comfort food, again, is from my Dad. Two eggs made over easy. Pour ketchup all over them, I mean lots of ketchup. Then break the yolks and mix them with the ketchup. You are probably disgusted in reading this right now, but I swear to you – it is one of my favorite meals. Add some white toast and milk – perfection on a plate.
24.) Boston is one of my favorite places to travel. I almost moved there in 2005 and I still think about actually doing it.
25.) I have frequent, and sometimes very strong, cravings for the following things: bacon cheese fries, Puff, a long conversation with a good friend, wine, the movie The Wizard of Oz, my Mom's bed, a cold Stella from the Trophy, a trip to TJMaxx and Billy Joel. I usually indulge them.
26.) The beach is my happy place. I live for the sand in my toes and salty, sun-burned skin.
27.) My hands wrinkle at the slightest sign of moisture. In the shower, sure - everyone's hands get all wrinkly. Mine are extreme - if I am drinking a cold drink and the glass is sweating, forget it!
28.) I wouldn't say I am into fashion, but - over the past year or so - I've been paying more attention to the pieces I buy and have become more interested in different colors, styles, etc. All thanks to Justina :)
29.) I believe that everyone should live alone for one year of their life.
30.) I'm really into food.
31.) I start listening to Christmas music right around the beginning of November. Yes, I am one of those people.
32.) I love the name James - for a boy or a girl.
33.) I will often times find myself getting super emotional about how much I love my friends. It overwhelms me.
34.) It is annoying me that most of my 'things' are starting with "I". How self-centered am I?
35.) Vocabulary is super exciting to me.
36.) If my Dad were still around, I would have wanted to dance with him at my wedding to "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney and Wings.
37.) I have two dream jobs: a food critic for a magazine or the person who chooses the music for the MTV reality shows like The Real World.
38.) My nose bleeds when I am stressed out. Gross.
39.) I think it is pretty incredible to me that, at the end of the night at Sam's and we're all saying goodbye to each other, everyone hugs, kisses and there are lots of "I love you's" exchanged. And I really do love a lot of them.
40.) My Grandmom gives me all of her old jewelry and I love that.
41.) I'd love to drive cross country someday.
42.) My Mom dressed me up as Madonna for Halloween one year. I was like 7. That same year, Jenna was a Playboy bunny.
43.) I can still do cartwheels.
44.) My favorite number is 44.
45.) I love doing the crossword puzzle in People Magazine.
46.) I love Frank Sinatra, Steve Tyrell, Dean Martin, Bobby Darrin, and all of the other old stuff they play at Sam's.
47.) Mint chocolate chip ice cream has the power to instantly cheer me up.
48.) I am convinced that Jenna and I are fundamentally the same and fundamentally different. I am not even sure I know what I mean.
49.) The first concert I ever attended was Michael Jackson, when I was like three, with my Dad. I fell asleep on his shoulder.
50.) You will never find a fake tree in my apartment, house, condo, town home - wherever I live. Christmas isn't Christmas without the smell of the tree.
51.) I wish I never got tattoos. I want to start over.
52.) My major in college was basically watching movies and writing about them.
53.) My mornings are better because of the Preston and Steve show.
54.) Amazing Grace makes me cry. Every. Single. Time.
55.) My first job was answering the phones and the door at the BVM Rectory. I also helped the cook named Bernie to make and serve dinner for the priests.
56.) I scrutinize my e-mails, even the ones I write to my friends.
57.) I don't fantasize about the details of my wedding nearly as much as I fantasize about who I will marry. In fact, I think the only thing I ever decided on was number 36.
58.) Kids were always fun, I did the babysitting/nanny thing, and - sure, babies are cute. But when Jack was born, I fell in love. Charlie came along - more love. And now I can't wait to get to know Cole.
59.) My favorite magazine is Self.
60.) I cannot sleep with socks on. On the rare occasion that they are on when I fall asleep, they're off by the morning.
61.) I love to send and receive handwritten cards and letters.
62.) I should buy more fresh flowers.
63.) I miss living with five other girls.
64.) Tuna is my favorite sandwich.
65.) I hate wearing jeans.
66.) If I am not in bed (and asleep) by 10 pm, I get annoyed. Mostly at myself.
67.) My Mom, Jenna and I all wear the same shoe size.
68.) Not many things make me anxious, but two things that do are ordering lunch at the ChickFilA in Liberty Place and New York City.
69.) I really laugh at almost every episode of The Office. I mean, really laugh. I am watching right now and cracking up.
70.) I'd rather text than talk on the phone, most of the time. And I am a really fast texter.
71.) I don't drink coffee, but I kinda wish I did.
72.) I love my Acura, but I really want to own a pick up truck.
73.) Aries is my sign, and I read my horoscope pretty frequently. But I don't think I am true Aries.
74.) A trip to CVS will usually cost me at least 30 bucks.
75.) One of my favorite things to do is make a CD for someone. I love giving them as gifts.
76.) My lifetime goal is to write a book, but I get in my own way.
77.) I keep notes in my cell phone at all times, using the notepad function. In fact, many of these little facts were stored in there before they ended up on this blog.
78.) I've never broken a bone.
79.) I can't drive without my seatbelt on. It just doesn't feel right.
80.) In college, three of my roommates and I were held up at gunpoint outside of our house. It was one of the scariest things that's ever happened to me, but it made me more aware of my surroundings.
81.) I love America's Next Top Model, but I hate Tyra Banks.
82.) I love a good wedding.
83.) Writing my Dad's eulogy was both the easiest and hardest thing I've ever done.
84.) I've never met a rollercoaster I wouldn't go on.
85.) I hate the fact that I have some pretty bad road rage.
86.) Happiness=driving into Sea Isle City.
87.) I could spend an entire Saturday in thrift stores and consignment shops.
88.) I don't like onions unless they're cooked.
89.) I prefer being called "Kris".
90.) Shoveling snow is something I miss. It reminds me of living in Darby.
91.) Completely inappropriate humor is sometimes the best kind.
92.) I live for Saturday mornings.
93.) One of my indulgences is a manicure twice a month. I mostly do it because I cannot file my own nails.
94.) I am huge American Idol nerd. I often cry when watching it.
95.) I am 100% inspired by Racheal Ray.
96.) Peanut butter is only good in a PB&J sandwich on the beach. Otherwise, I'll pass.
97.) I check PostSecret.com every Sunday and fantasize about sending a secret in.
98.) Knowing any of the answers on Jeopardy! excites me.
99.) Visiting California last year was one of the best experiences of my life. So far.
100.) I always try to do my best.
Monday, December 08, 2008
...take care to appear happy, and especially to be so.
Truth be told, I am happy. For the past few weeks, I've been in a permanent good mood. Thanksgiving came and went and I felt truly, truly grateful. Everything seems to naturally have a positive spin on it. The holidays are coming and I am loving the season already. I love the songs, the lights, the TV shows - even the weather. It's my favorite time of year.
I have my car back. But not just my car, I have my freedom back. I feel like I am 16 all over again. I can do the things that I've been wanting to do and was forced to put off all this time. I am going to start volunteering at either Divine Providence with Trish or Mothers' Home in Darby. Or both. I am still working out the details. I want to find a place that feels right.
Sam's! I can work there and supplement my Richardson paycheck. And, if you know me at all, you know that Sam's is not just a job to me. It is not just a restaurant or a place that I go to make money. Sam's is a home to me, as are all of the people. Going there doesn't even feel like work. Really, can a person ask for anything more?
Eight months was a long time to be stuck in a holding pattern. That's what it felt like anyway. Some severe peaks and valleys and a lot of learning.
I finally feel like Kristen again. And, apparently, I look like her as well.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Wedding Hangover
I find it kind of depressing.
When any big event or memorable day passes, I get a little sad. Christmas night rolls around and, all of a sudden, it feels like Christmas never even happened. April 5th? Never a fun day... But at least with these occasions, we get to do them all over again in another year.
Such is not the case with weddings. Weddings are once in a lifetime. The ones I've been in and attended this year have been some pretty great ones. I never want them to end and they fly by so quickly. I look at the pictures over and over to relive them. And then, in a few months, I usually get to do it all again!
As my big year of weddings comes to an end, I feel like a lucky girl. Lucky to have attended so many, lucky to have so many friends and, further, so many friends who are happily making joining their life with another's. Lucky indeed.
Friday, October 24, 2008
In serious need of Halloween candy...
This blog has no point. No message or story. No inspiration. It is your typical, so-don't-feel-like-working, Friday, the Phillies-better-step-it-up-and-start-hitting, (finally) cold day in October ramble. Completely random.
This week has been long and exhausting. Despite my attempts to get to bed by 9 pm (yes, I am offiicially elderly) on Monday and Tuesday nights to prepare my body for the World Series games, I still woke up (late) this morning and could barely sit up in bed. Friday took forever to get here. I am really sick of coding HTML - my eyes are shot by the end of the day.
Before I get even more whiny...
Super psyched for the Phillies. It is so fun to watch the games, the coverage, the fans. It's great for the city and a long time coming. I hope tomorrow's game doesn't get rained out and I hope that Moyer can keep the Rays from putting a lot of runs up.
I saw some crazy shit on SEPTA this week. I saw a short, scrawny, white-haired man punch a woman in the back yesterday morning. In the 15th street/City Hall EL station, a man came down from the escalator and threw all of his weight into a punch that hit the woman square in the back. She was just rushing to work in her sneakers, carrying her heels in her bag, like the rest of us. I don't think he had a reason and I doubt he needed one. She stopped, startled, just for a moment and kept walking - which, I realize, was probably smart. I am not sure what I'd do in that situation. Then, yesterday's journey home brought another odd circumstance. While on the trolley, pulling out of the berth at 69th street, I saw a relatively young guy with his pants around his ankles getting arrested while his blonde girlfriend was sobbing and pleading to the cops. I have no idea what any of it was about, but it was your typical train wreck. My fellow 101 trolley passengers and I couldn't look away.
I am anxiously awaiting the return of my sanity. My sanity, in the shape of a little silver slice of heaven - my car. The end is in sight and I think I am going to be getting it back within the next two weeks or so. It has been a long six months.
I think I need some new music in my life. I heard Kings of Leon on 9.33WMMR this morning and was pretty into "Sex on Fire". I also heard a new Brett Dennen song on Grey's last week and am pretty obsessed. "Ain't Gonna Lose You" - check it out.
My morning of procrastination has come to a screeching halt - duty calls.
I'm still waiting for my candy.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
"Summer stole what fall replaces..."
Seven years after the day the world changed forever...
In remembering 9/11, I have very few words. Just songs, thoughts, pictures, ideas, memories and this tribute to a very good friend of mine's Uncle...
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Bill

He was commonly mistaken for her husband, my grand pop, etc. - but he took the title in stride.
"Surrogate grandfather.", he'd politely correct, as he sat at the bar at Sam's Saloon, where I've worked for the better part of 10 years or so. It is MomMom's and Bill's 'Cheer's', complete with their designated bar stools and where everyone undoubtedly knows their names. She got me the job there, when I was about 15. I never really left, and neither have they.
Until now. Bill passed away on Monday, Aug 25th in his apartment in Mercy Court - another place they shared, although they lived in different units on opposite sides of the building. MomMom was downstairs in the parking lot, waiting for him at the car to go to the Giant.
It seemed as if she was always waiting for him. Bill moved a little slower than the rest of the world. He talked a bit slower - with deliberate caution - as if he was hand-picking his words and placing them delicately into sentences. Perhaps it was spending so much of his life wth my grand mother, the life of the party, perpetually on the move. Together, they created a balanced pair.
At Sam's, you can find Jean circling the bar all evening, chatting it up to anyone and everyone. Bill hung back, seated in his stool, observing. I always thought he'd rather be home watching the Phillies game. I think I was right.
Baseball was a topic that, if you got him started on it, he'd talk for hours. Bill was a pitcher in the minor league and almost made it to the pros. He'd met many a famous sports figure in his day. You could tell he loved it, his passion and fondness for the sport spilled over into every conversation.
Bill's family is saying goodbye to him, privately, today. I'd never met any of his family until Monday, when I was introduced to his two sons. It was strange to meet the immediate family of someone who has always been a part of ours. Hopefully, they know what he was to us and what role he played in each of our lives.
Bill was kind, even-tempered and patient; he loved his sports and his newspapers. He came to every family function and birthday and he was there when things weren't so easy. He was a part of us, and we'll miss him.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Phenomenal.
But I find it keeps popping into my head as I think back to last night, the wedding, the reason we are all here. From the food to the views to the dancing...words really do not even begin to describe it.
But phenomenal almost fits. Jason and Mary's Califorinia happiness spilled over onto everyone. Ear to ear smiles and tears were the theme, truly.
Some pics before I head to San Diego with Dana. I have about 100 pics of just the wedding, glad I brought my charger and glad I can upload to make room on my memory card!

Oh, I love this pic. Jay and Greg after Greg's sincerely touching speech. Not a dry eye in the house, as even Greg himself really choked up. Beautiful.
Such a cute idea for the tables - they all represented significant places in Jay and Mary's lives. This was the guy's and Mere's table. I think Joanne took the card home.
Could they be any more adorable?

Friday, August 15, 2008
"writing you to catch you up on places I've been..."
I am sunburned and tired, in the best of ways.
My trip here went pretty flawlessly. I left Philly on a 7:30 am flight on Wednesday. Flew into LAX at about 10 am local time. My shuttle took me from LA to Laguna, and the last twenty minutes of the ride was along the coast - pretty amazing. The first of many amazing things, and more to come, as it's only Friday night. The guys are at the rehearsal and I am hanging in the room, listening to the waves and a party going on in the courtyard outside the huge, screenless windows.
When I was younger, I used to practically transcribe certain trips or parties - anytime I had so much fun I wanted to get it all down before it left my head. I have so many of these accounts in my journals from high school and college years. I guess this blog and my digital camera are the 2008 versions of those journals...

My favorite spot in Laguna: this little park that overlooks the ocean.


Putting the day away...

Tuesday, August 05, 2008
All I Want
I want to:
live well.
I want to think:
less negatively and more positively.
I want to learn:
as much as humanly possible.
I want to see:
everything with clarity and perspective.
I want to try:
and be a better person, a little bit each day.
I want to tell:
the people I love all of the important stuff, before it's too late.
I want to touch:
the hearts of others with my words and actions.
I want to smell:
the ocean, everyday.
I want to feel:
like I am making a difference, in something.
I want to stop:
trying to change things that are out of my control.
I want to let go of:
the dark parts of the past.
Monday, August 04, 2008
It's all I can think about.
It is my vacation and I leave in just about 10 days. Ten, 10, TEN, TEN! The project I was completely immersed in last week is delivering today and that means no more 11 hour days and more space in my head to fill up with visions of Laguna Beach, California.
Next week, I am traveling cross country to see one of my oldest friends get married to one of the most down-to-Earth girls I've ever met in a beautiful location. Mary and Jason are a great couple and it is going to be an amazing time.
Isn't it weird when you wait for something so long, and then it is finally here. I find myself saying "I can't wait" way too much. As my MomMom so wisely advised me this weekend:
"Don't say 'I can't wait'. Say 'I can hardly wait.' Before you know it, it will be over - so you really can wait!" She is right. I guess I can let the anticipation build a bit more as I finalize plans...
I should get back to work. And by 'work', I mean...yeah, sure, I am working. But every hour or so I google "Laguna Beach" or I go to our hotel website and start to daydream...
I'll be doing this for the next TEN days...
Friday, July 18, 2008
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
This blog is no exception.
It has been yet another month of no posts. I started July with a fresh notebook on my desk at work (that excites me, is that weird?) and the goal of writing one blog per day in July. I armed myself with a new Jodi Picoult book (Keeping Faith - phenomenal) for inspiration and even shared my goal with a few people, in an effort to try and stick to it.
18 steamy summer days have passed. And I've got nothing to show for it.
The reason is simple. It is the same reason that the 'backspace' key on my keyboard is more worn-in than all of the others. It is the same reason that I write an e-mail at work and leave the 'To' field blank until the seconds before I am ready to send. Finally, it is the same reason why I have about 24 blog posts that have been started, but sadly left out in the cold, forgotten, and labeled as 'draft'.
Time for a change. Time to stop obsessing, and just create. It is, after all, what fulfills me the most and completely absorbs me.
Please bear with me as I allow myself to make mistakes.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Just Wait
And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill
If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you
And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill
I ask of you a very simple question
Did you think for one minute that you are alone?
And is your suffering a privilege you share only?
Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home?
Just Wait
Just Wait
Just Wait
And It Will Come
If you think I've given up on you, you're crazy
And if you don't think I don't love you well then you're just wrong
In time you just might take to feeling better
Time is the beauty of the road being long
I know that now you feel no consolation
But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud
I say this without fear of hesitation
I can honestly tell you that you make me proud
Just Wait
Just Wait
Just Wait
And It Will Come
If anything I might've just said has helped you
If anything I might've said helped you just carry on
Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle
And your appetite for pain may all but be gone
I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping
Until that smile has once again returned to your face
There's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying
Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace
Just Wait
Just Wait
Just Wait
And It Will Come