Will I ever catch up?

It has been a month since I've checked in, as pointed out to me by an (or maybe the only) avid reader. One month, one birthday, one car accident, one tragedy in my extended family, one near nervous breakdown, one injury - no, make that two injuries, a handful of self-realizations, one wedding, one shower, a few too many drinks and way too many tears. And here I am.

I'd rather not recount the details of each generous helping of bad luck that has been served to me lately and how I attempted to handle it. That'd depress me and would not be conducive to my recent attempts to be positive. Never in my life have I ever had to try and be positive. It never required effort. I should, and do, consider myself lucky that a positive outlook (generally) came naturally for so many years.

Have you ever watched a parent and their child as they walk through sidewalk traffic/a train station/the mall, etc.? Picture a small child, maybe only three or four years old and his parent next to them, holding his hand as they essentially drag the child to keep up with the parent's pace. This is a generalization, I realize, but just go with it. The parent has a speed, a stride, a groove and the poor kid is doing the best he can with his little legs. With his arm outstretched and linked to the person he trusts most in the world, he cannot even finish one step before he has to start another.

This is how I feel right now. Beaten, bruised, broken? Not really. It has been undoubtedly a rough patch but there are far worse things to live through. A girl I work with, and really enjoy, has just unexpectedly lost her Dad just one week after her wedding. She and her husband wed in Vegas two weeks ago and a reception was planned for tomorrow. Today, she is burying her Dad instead of preparing for the party. Things could absolutely be worse.

I feel like the kid who cannot keep up. My legs are working as hard as they possibly can to find my place in the world and be good at being in that place. And just when I think I am stepping in line with everyone else, the world speeds up and I fall behind.

Fortunately, the place I am running to is bright and full of so many great things. And if I need the world to keep me at a good pace, then here I am, reaching out my hand and holding on tight.